


Finding the Words

by CSColifer



Series: The Captain Swan Musical Song Book [2]
Category: Billy Elliot (2000), Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-21
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-18 13:22:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29610060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CSColifer/pseuds/CSColifer
Summary: This is the second story in the Musical Song Book Collection. Inspired by 'Electricity' By Elton John as used in the show Billy Elliot The Musical.This short one shot takes place in Canon, after Emma first discovers she has magic. Regina has been training her and encourages her to share her feelings with her family.
Relationships: Captain Hook | Killian Jones & Henry Mills, Captain Hook | Killian Jones/Emma Swan, Evil Queen | Regina Mills & Emma Swan, Evil Queen | Regina Mills & Henry Mills, Prince Charming | David Nolan/Snow White | Mary Margaret Blanchard, Snow White | Mary Margaret Blanchard & Emma Swan
Series: The Captain Swan Musical Song Book [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2175417
Comments: 6
Kudos: 4





	1. 1. It’s Like Electricity

** It’s Like Electricity **

****

Emma’s sitting at the kitchen table; five pairs of eyes staring at her.

“It’s ok, love. You've got this,” Killian reassures her.

Earlier that day her family had asked her what it was like to have magic. Emma had gone to Regina to ask for her advice.

_“Just speak from your heart, Emma. They're your family and they love you.” Regina had told her._

_Emma had looked at her surprise showing on her face._

_“Oh, don’t look at me like that. I do, contrary to popular belief, have feelings.” She had replied, looking at her sternly._

Regina accompanies Emma back to the loft to answer any questions they may have, after Emma describes how magic makes her feel.

Emma takes hold of Killian’s hand and begins.

“I can’t really explain it; I haven’t got the words. It's a feeling that you can't control.” She pauses to compose herself. “I suppose it's like forgetting, losing who you are, and at the same time something makes you whole.”

She looks up and sees her mom wiping a tear from her eye; her dad looked proudly at her. Regina sitting there looking impassive. Killian smiles and whispers in her ear, “you’re doing well, Swan.” She gives him a small smile and squeezes his hand. Henry, who's sitting on her other side, listens on in awe.

“It's like that there’s music, playing in my ear, and I'm listening, and I'm listening and then I disappear. Then I feel a change, like a fire deep inside. Something bursting me wide open, impossible to hide. And suddenly I'm flying, flying like a bird. Like electricity, electricity, sparks inside of me, and I'm free.”

Emma certainly feels like a weight is being lifted from her shoulders as she tells her family how she feels. Regina’s always told Emma that her magic’s linked to her emotions. It's not until she puts it into words that she truly understands what Regina meant by this.

“It's a bit like being angry. It's a bit like being scared. Confused and all mixed up and mad as hell. It's like when you've been crying, and you're empty and you're full, I don't know what it is, it's hard to tell...”

By this point Emma’s in tears, so she excuses herself to freshen up. Killian meets her outside the bathroom, “you're a marvel love. That was magnificently worded.”

“You have to say that, because you love me.” Emma says.

“Well, I do love you very much. But you’re wrong about one thing. I don't have to say that. I genuinely believe it, Emma.” He leans in to give her a kiss on the lips before wrapping his arms around her shoulders and leading her back to the rest of her family.

“Does that make sense to you?” Emma asks them.

Regina speaks first, “I have to say, Emma, you explained the sensation very well.”

“Oh Emma, that's a lot of feelings to keep locked of inside you. It’s a wonder you manage your emotions as well as you do.” Mary Margaret says to Emma whilst making her way round the table to pull her into a warm hug. David joins them and hugs his daughter, placing his hand at the back of her head.

“What about you, kid?” she turns to Henry.

“It sounds so cool! I wish I had magic...” Henry declares, buzzing with excitement.

“Well, it would to an eleven-year-old,” Emma tells him laughing.

“You should be careful what you wish for, Henry. Especially in Storybrooke now that magic’s been restored. Say that to the wrong person and who knows what might happen.” Regina adds, before addressing the rest of the group. “Well, if no-one has any questions, I think I'll head home. Henry, will you be joining me?”

He shakes his head, “No. Can I stay here with, Emma, Killian, Grandma and Grandpa?”

“That's fine with us, kid,” David replies.

“Us too.” Emma and Killian both reply, as Killian ruffles Henry’s hair.

Regina nods her ascent to Henry’s request as Henry ducks out from under Killian’s hand and runs over to give Regina a hug. “Thanks mom. I'll see you in the morning.” He runs off to his room and they all hear him flop down on his bed. Chuckling at Henry’s antics, they say goodbye to Regina. Emma follows her to the door. “Thanks for being there today... I really appreciate it.”

Regina takes her hand. “Anytime, Emma. Now take it easy. It's been a big day for you.” Emma promises to do so before making her way to re-join her family.


	2. The Letters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part two of ‘Finding the Words’, which is part of The Captain Swan Musical Song Book. This is inspired by another song from Billy Elliot The Musical called The Letter, written by Elton John. It’s a beautiful song in its own right where Billy finds a letter from his mum, written to him before her death. It seemed, to me, to reflect the thought and feelings that Mary Margaret and Emma both have.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is set in the same verse as 'It's Like Electricity'. It takes place three years later, after Killian has returned from The Underworld.

** The Letters **

****

Both Emma and Mary Margaret are going through a crisis of confidence. Mary Margaret has just given birth to Neal but is feeling guilty that she'll get to experience everything with him that she didn't with Emma. David suggests to his wife that she pay a visit to Dr Hopper.

Emma also feels guilty that now Killian has been brought back from the Underworld, she's ready to commit and start a family with him. She, too, feels concern that, Henry will feel upset that she gave him away but now wants a second chance.

Killian, who's been having counselling since his return, says that he would, “highly recommend speaking to the Cricket.” Emma, for once, listens to him and books an appointment.

Mary Margaret sits in Dr Hopper’s office thinking about what he's just asked her. _Why does she feel so guilty for having another child?_ She takes her time as she forms her words.

“I suppose because I had to give Emma up before I even had the chance to get to know her. It wasn't fair! She was just a new-born and now I know she was left to fight the world on her own. But for me, I was left alone too. Yes, I had David and the curse came and brought us here. Yes, I had friends. But now I remember... there was always a part of me that was missing something. I just didn't know what.” Mary Margaret pauses to compose herself. “I wrote her a letter when I was pregnant and I knew I’d need to give her up. I found it amongst my things. Do you think I should give it to her?”

“Snow, may I call you that? I always knew you better as that.” She nods her consent. “Snow, I find that these things come into our lives for a reason. Only you can make the decision. But, for what it’s worth, I think it would help you reconnect with Emma, as mother and daughter. Since she moved to Storybrooke, you've been friends and roommates. Then you've fought alongside each other, in Neverland then in The Underworld. Tell me, Snow, have you spoken with each other properly? As mother and daughter?” Mary Margaret shakes her head. “Maybe that's something to think about.” He stops talking and starts to move. “I’m sorry to say that our time is up. I've another appointment soon.”

Mary Margaret stands from the couch. “Thanks, Archie. You've been a big help.”

Dr Hopper sees her out, writes up his notes and makes his preparations for his next appointment.

Mary Margaret goes straight home to the loft. She decides to leave the letter out for Emma, feeling ready to open the lines of communication and get to know her daughter. She then heads out again, this time to clear her head with a walk.

A little while later, Emma comes back in from her run and sees a letter for her on the kitchen table. She needs to get ready for her appointment, so she puts the letter in her bag to read later.

When she arrives at Dr Hopper’s, Emma flops down on the couch. “What would you like to talk about today, Emma?” he asks her.

Emma, not one to beat around the bush once she makes up her mind to share, gets straight to the point. “Killian and I want children, but I don't know how Henry will feel about this. I mean, I gave him up as a baby without even holding him, and now I want to actively try for a one that'll be wanted. Please don't get me wrong, I love Henry, but at the time there would have been no way I could have raised him. I wish I could explain that to him... but I don't know where to start.”

Archie smiles to himself. _Like mother like daughter_ , he thinks. After a moment of silence he says, “Have you thought about writing a letter?”

“A letter?” Emma asks curiously, thinking about the letter in her bag.

“Yes, I always find the words come easier when writing them,” is Dr Hopper’s reply.

“It’s odd you should suggest that. I got a mysterious letter today,” Emma tells him.

“Really, Emma? And have you read it yet?”

“No. I came straight here. Why do you ask?”

“Oh, no reason. If you are to write this letter to Henry, can I suggest you do so before reading the one for you?”

“I suppose you won't tell me why even if I asked,” Emma says with humour in her voice.

“You know me very well! It's not for me to tell you what you can and can't do. Rather it's my job to guide you in the best possible way so you make the best possible decision for yourself,” he tells her cryptically.

On that note they finish up their session and Emma leaves to find Killian. She doesn't need to look far, as she sees him walking down the street with David. Killian has two hot drinks in his hand. Despite David’s presence, he kisses her and hands her drink to her.

“Good chat?” Killian asks. Emma nods, still deep in thought.

David, sensing Emma might open up better without him there, says goodbye to them. Killian wishes him luck with Mary Margaret and Neal.

“Thanks for the hot chocolate. I think I’d like to go somewhere quiet, there's something I'd like to do.”

“Then the Jolly is happy to welcome you aboard. Let's go.” Emma takes his hook as Killian leads her to where his ship is docked.

When they arrive, they go straight to the Captains Quarters. Emma smiles at the memories this room has for her. Killian too has a smirk on his face when he looks at her, having read her mind. Emma moves to kiss him, softly at first before deepening it. Killian reluctantly pulls back. He knows his Swan is trying to distract herself.

“I promise there'll be time for that later. You said you came here to do something. What is it, my love?” Killian asks.

“I went to speak with Archie about my feelings, like you suggested. He thought it might be a good idea to write Henry a letter. But not only that, Killian, I found this for me back at the loft. I'm going to write the letter, then read this. I recognise the handwriting – it’s my mom’s.”

“OK, Swan. What would you like me to do?”

“I think I need to do this on my own, but can you stay nearby?” Emma asks.

“Of course, love. I'll do an inspection of the Jolly. Call if you need me. I'll hear you no matter where I am.” He kisses her on the forehead before taking his leave.

Emma moves to sit at Killian's desk and takes out a pen and some paper, thrilled that Killian has updated his stock. She begins to write:

_Dear Henry,_

_You'll be wondering why I'm writing this, instead of just talking to you. Truth be told, there's so much to distract conversations these days, so this is better._

_I'm sorry for many things in my life, but not for having you._

_What I am sorry for though, is not being there to see you as a baby. It saddens me deeply that I have missed so much of your growing, your childhood tantrums and telling you off._

_I hope you know just how proud of you I am. You are becoming a fine young man._

_Part of why I'm writing this letter is because Killian and I, eventually would like to start a family of our own. I want you to know that you’ll always be a part of this family. I hope you understand that I am not replacing you. I love you, Henry. I will love you forever._

_Mom_

Happy with what she's written, Emma goes to the mantelpiece where Killian put her letter. She opens it with shaking hands.

_My darling daughter Emma,_

_As you read this I am probably long gone. This makes me incredibly sad because,_ _I’ll have missed you growing,_ _and I'll have missed you crying, and I'll have missed you laugh. Missed your stamping and your shouting. I have missed telling you off. But please, Emma, know that I was always there. I was with you through everything._

_I hope you know I would have been proud of you; in everything_ _you do._

_And you must promise me this, Emma._

_  
In everything you do always be yourself, Emma. And you always will be true._

_Love you forever,_

_Your loving mother_

Tears are flowing down Emma’s face. She always knew there were parallels between what her mom needed to do and what she felt she needed to do. But to see her own thoughts echoing back at her... she doesn't have a chance to finish that thought because Killian walks in at that point.

“I heard you sobbing, love. Are you OK?” he asks, crouching next to her and giving her a hug.

“I think I will be,” Emma replies hugging him back.

“Your mum’s here. Looks in as good a state as you. Shall I send her down?”

“No, I’ll come up to see her. I need to get some fresh air.”

They walk up to the deck, hand in hand. Mary Margaret sees them and moves towards them, just as Emma lets go of Killian’s hand to meet her part way.

“I saw the letter gone. Did you find it?” Mary Margaret asks.

“I did. I've just finished reading it actually. I had no idea you felt like you did. I know how hard it was though, for you to give me up. I now know you had good reason to. I forgive you for leaving me.”

Mary Margaret breaks into tears at this. “That means so much to me, hearing you say those words.”

Emma goes on to say, “I'm in a similar situation actually with Henry. I feel so bad for putting him up for adoption but now I'm thinking about children with Killian.”

“It seems that you and I have a lot to catch up on. I would love to get to know you as my daughter, Emma.”

“I’d like that, Mom.”

At the far end of the ship David is chatting with Killian. “Do you think they’ll be OK.”

They both look over to ladies and see them laughing.

“Aye, mate. I think they'll be fine,” Killian says.

“Just so you know, Killian. Whenever you're ready, I'll be waiting for you to chat.”

Killian smirks, knowing what David’s getting at, but enjoying winding him up. “About what?”

“Anything you want, _mate_ ,” David replies, winding Killian up equally as much as Killian thinks he's done with him. He slaps him on the back and walks off towards his wife and daughter, Killian following hot on his heels.

They all make their way back to the loft, where Blue has brought Neal back. Henry’s also there, so Emma hands him the letter she wrote. He opens it and reads it quickly.

Killian and Emma study him as he reads it. “You good, kid?”

“Of course, Mom. I knew why you had to do it. I forgave you ages ago. I also figured out that you and Killian are serious about each other. I am almost sixteen and not as innocent as you all think.”

The four sets of adults in the room turn red. Henry laughs at this. “You should see your faces.”

Killian rescues them all. “So, lad. What say you, your Grandpa and I have some men time and leave the ladies to chat?”

David and Henry agree that this is a fine idea. They say goodbye to the ladies, give Neal a kiss on the head and head out.

Emma and Mary Margaret then spend the rest of the evening getting to know each other again. This time as mother and daughter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lyrics for your enjoyment. I hope it also explains why I used some of the words I did for the letters in the stories. It should also be noted that Billy Elliot is set in the North East of England, the dialect here is Geordie.
> 
> [Spoken MRS. WILKINSON]  
> What's this?
> 
> [Spoken BILLY]  
> It's a letter
> 
> [Spoken MRS. WILKINSON]  
> I can see it's a letter
> 
> [Spoken BILLY]  
> You can open it if you want
> 
> [Spoken MRS. WILKINSON]  
> Thank God for that, the suspense was killing me
> 
> [Spoken BILLY]  
> It's from me mum
> 
> [Spoken MRS. WILKINSON]  
> Your mum?
> 
> [Spoken BILLY]  
> She wrote it for us when I was eighteen, but since I couldn't wait
> 
> [Spoken MRS. WILKINSON]  
> I see  
> [Spoken BILLY]  
> You can read it if you want  
> Read it out
> 
> [Spoken MRS. WILKINSON]  
> Dear Billy  
> I must seem a distant memory
> 
> [Spoken BILLY]  
> Which is...
> 
> [Spoken MRS. WILKINSON]  
> Which is probably a good thing  
> And it will have been a long-
> 
> [Spoken BILLY]  
> Long time
> 
> [BILLY]  
> And I will have missed you growing  
> And I'll have missed you crying  
> And I'll have missed you laugh
> 
> Missed your stomping and your shouting  
> I have missed telling you off  
> But please, Billy  
> Know that I was always there  
> I was with you through everything  
> And please, Billy...
> 
> [MRS. WILKINSON]  
> But please, Billy  
> Know that I will always be  
> Proud to have known you  
> Proud that you were mine  
> Proud in everything  
> And you must promise me this, Billy
> 
> [BILLY'S MUM]  
> In everything you do  
> Always be yourself, Billy  
> And you always will be true
> 
> And I will have missed you growing  
> And I'll have missed you crying  
> And I'll have missed you laugh
> 
> [MUM & MRS. WILKINSON]  
> Missed your stomping and your shouting  
> I have missed telling you off  
> But please, Billy  
> Know that I was always there  
> I was with you through everything  
> And please, Billy  
> Know that I will always be  
> Proud to have known you  
> [MUM]   
> Love you forever
> 
> [BILLY]   
> Love you forever
> 
> [MRS. WILKINSON]   
> Mam

**Author's Note:**

> The song inspiration for this story is ‘Electricity’ by Elton John. It is used in the stage musical of Billy Elliot The Musical. I’ve heard this song so many times, but this week a listened to it again and realised how well it would fit with Emma’s magic. Original lyrics below for your enjoyment. 
> 
> [Spoken AUDITIONER WOMAN]  
> Can I just ask you, Billy  
> What does it feel like when you're dancing?
> 
> [BILLY]  
> I can't really explain it  
> I haven't got the words  
> It's a feeling that you can't control  
> I suppose it's like forgetting, losing who you are  
> And at the same time something makes you whole
> 
> It's like that there's a music playing in your ear  
> And I'm listening, and I'm listening and then I disappear  
> And then I feel a change  
> Like a fire deep inside  
> Something bursting me wide open impossible to hide  
> And suddenly I'm flying, flying like a bird  
> Like electricity, electricity  
> Sparks inside of me  
> And I'm free I'm free
> 
> It's a bit like being angry  
> It's a bit like being scared  
> Confused and all mixed up and mad as hell  
> It's like when you've been crying  
> And you're empty and you're full  
> I don't know what it is, it's hard to tell  
> It's like that there's a music playing in your ear  
> But the music is impossible, impossible to hear  
> But then I feel it move me  
> Like a burning deep inside  
> Something bursting me wide open impossible to hide  
> And suddenly I'm flying, flying like a bird  
> Like electricity, electricity  
> Sparks inside of me  
> And I'm free I'm free
> 
> Electricity, sparks inside of me  
> And I'm free, I'm free  
> I'm free. Free I'm free


End file.
